things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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