i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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