she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
bring money and cleavage
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
