I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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