I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
