i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
