what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
