how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
