1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
my poor anus
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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