I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
