Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nutella sex= disaster
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
