While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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