Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
