When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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