I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
