I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
