All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
