it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you didnt know i had herpes?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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