Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
