The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
