I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she told me i tasted like america
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
