I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
