i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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