At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
