Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
