i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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