I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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