I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
