Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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