how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
