This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
