Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
These tits shall not be calmed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
