bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
