Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
