I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
