Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
