I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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