Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
