Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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