it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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