Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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