I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
