i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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