You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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