dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
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I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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