you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
