dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
