I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
