we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
