capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
