I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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