You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
