You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
