Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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