Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
