I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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