He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
