i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
