Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
