i would punch a child for taco bell
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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