guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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