I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
