wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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