I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
