I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
