the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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