I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
