Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
