I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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