Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
