At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
