i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
