We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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