living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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