I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
