look no pants
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
