And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
